Me, really? You *really* want my opinion on the food here?

Got this email today....

"You’ve been randomly selected to participate in a research project involving the café service and offerings at your company.  We are interested in your feedback about your usage of the café, attitudes and your dining habits at work.

Please complete the survey regardless of how frequently you use the onsite café. Because a limited number of employees are receiving this survey, your response is very important. Our food service partner is leading this study in partnership with us. The survey will only take about 8 minutes to complete.  Please respond by ..."


If it is at all possible to laugh an evil laugh in a joyful way, I did it when I read this email.  Although, I'm pretty sure my responses will get tossed out as outliers, ever hopeful, I went at the survey with a critical capability only surpassed by my friend, Jayme Von Cupcake, on her blog, The Confection Confessions...


Here were my main praises about our company café:

1. My girl Miss V.  She's the best cook ever because she puts up with me.
2. Baked desserts are made from scratch and quite good.  You get cream cheese frosting instead of cheap whipping.  Cookies taste like home made.
3. Fresh baked breads are always good.
4. Freshly-made seasoned potato chips are to-die-for
5. Availability of fresh take away snacks, premium soft drinks, coffees, and teas
6. Availability of healthy snacks, including lower fat and carb alternatives

Now here's where I let them have it...

1. Provide basic government nutritional information for your food.  
2. Pay attention to your to-go items. I have gotten one of your over-priced spoiled drinks in the refrigerated case more than twice.
3. STOP putting PORK in the vegetables and soup.  Have you noticed how many people are from India and the Middle East that work here?  Have you noticed how overweight some of the locals are that work here?  It's a bad idea and I think it sucks.
4. Do you really have to make a soup every day that either uses meat stock or a cream base?  They're really greasy.  I bet everyone would enjoy a nice vegetable or tomato soup once in a bit.  It would be a healthier soup choice.
5. Offer low-fat sour cream and cheese.  I know you can because you offer low-fat salad dressing and mayo.
6. Offer low-fat breakfast items that aren't loaded with sugar
7. Keep to-go portion of the cafe open til at least 5pm.  It's not fair to keep an ice cream freezer in that gets locked at 1:30